TX458/Forza 6 steering on my real car (a parody for wheel users)

Turn 10 I love your work on Forza 6 but couldn’t help chuckle at what might happen if real cars were ‘updated’ to simulate the way Forza 6 simulates steering feel via the TX458 wheel. This is firmly tongue in cheek and not meant as a moan, so hit the sense of humour button and enjoy!

Imagine my surprise last night when my car dealer called to say a software update was available for my car that would make the steering feel much more realistic. In fact it would exactly mirror the Thrustmaster TX458 wheel behaviour in Forza 6. Even better they said I could try the update first for 7 days on Early Access for just an additional 100% of the usual cost! “Take my money” said I “I’m sold!” The dealer installed the 40gb update immediately but said I’d have to wait for it to automatically unlock tomorrow at 1300 UTC.

The car in question is my moderately powerful near 300bhp hot hatch with a dual clutch gearbox (DSG) (clue ‘it’s just like a Golf’ and not in Forza 6) which has a fancy touchscreen that allows me to select several generic modes from ‘comfort’ to ‘sport’ and on to ‘race’. Further in the menus, and this will be important later I can also adjust a whole bunch of other options like throttle sensitivity, damping, gear change ferocity, launch control and even how much artificial noise the engine makes in the cabin. Now, to my excitement there was a new shiny TX458 button too but it was still at that time locked and I couldn’t use it for another 18 hours or so.

Now I should have been writing this review about 5 hours ago but that’s when the problems started. The unlock time arrived I pressed the button and…nothing. I had foolishly forgotten to manually update the pre-installed file loaded yesterday, there were no instructions to do so but well surely I should have just known. No problem I’d just need to download the 40gb of data again - over my dial up connection.

Some time later…

Braking Bad.

With the file finally installed I fired up the car and hit TX458 mode on the car infortainment system. In true Forza style I slammed the throttle to the floor and shot off like a rocket 3 seconds later. Almost instantly I needed to brake for the first corner. I pressed the brake pedal and hit my head on the windscreen - 100% braking force was now available in the first 2mm of pedal travel! I called the car dealer about this development and they assured me all was fine and this was just a new feature. Firstly it would save me having to use my leg so much when braking. Secondly if I pumped the brake pedal 1-3 times (probably) within the first 3 seconds of operating the car, every time I started the car, the brake pedal would revert to normal operation. I’ve never had so many drivers toot their appreciation at my driving skills as I either stop dead or sail on past the point I was trying to brake for. Once the concussion subsided I went for another drive.

Squeal like a pig

I moved the steering wheel about 10 degrees and wow I now had full lock! This surprised the old ladies outside the supermarket as I tried to park the car, each tiny move of the wheel of the car resulting in a huge squealing sound. They ladies gave me a look usually reserved for Vauxhall Corsa special edition drivers (you know the ones with VXR body kit and 1.2L 60bhp engines) I called the car dealer again, this too it turned out was a feature! Less effort to turn the wheel would save the effort on my arms. Anyway if I wasn’t happy I could adjust the steering feel in the advanced menu, they were surprised I didn’t know this. All I need to do was adjust the DoR from 540 to 900 and I’d be fine.

Well, yes the instant lock to lock problem was indeed solved. Only to be replaced with absolutely no steering feel at all on the straight ahead, in fact the steering wheel now did nothing for the first ±25 degrees of turn.

Finally I was ready to tackle my first corner on a dry sunny day with seemingly plenty of grip. I slowed to 30mph, way slow enough to make the bend, and turned in. The car spun, rotated through 90 degrees and put me on the grass. I had quite literally taken the apex and made it all mine. This didn’t happen just once, it was now a feature and I was assured I should think of it as adding character.

You are not normal are you

I called the dealer again. They thought they knew the problem and said “you’re not normal are you?” after a slight pause I muttered self consciously “well I think I am, is this psychotherapy or something?” No, no, no they explained they meant I wasn’t using normal steering mode was I? I was and they suggested a man of my experience (racing since 2007!) should surely be using the simulation setting, this they said would be much more to my taste. I selected simulation mode in yet another menu (I can’t fault this, in this respect Forza, the TX458 and modern cars are identical everything is buried deep in a hidden menu…somewhere!) and took off once more.

Simulation mode was quite literally Amazing…the steering would now jump and fight in my hands at the slightest bump in the road. Awesome just like a real pogo stick.

You spin me right round, baby, right round

I won’t be driving again after dark. Then as night descended I span, and span again, speed was not the issue this would happen at anything over 15mph. Opposite lock? Forget it, my reactions were simply not fast enough. For years real steering had been giving me all the wrong messages this driving at night is dangerous.

Outside In

Because my generic turbocharged car makes the noise of a demented Dyson the manufacturer added an artificial noise generator. It makes some rorty engine noise an exhaust pops for good measure. TX458/Forza 6 mode made that so much better! The system now amplifies the noise of all thee cars outside my car, so much in fact that I can’t hear the noise of my own engine, tyres or in fact anything else (besides the gratuitous first corner swearing if I connect the headset of course!). This is such an improvement as clearly every other car sounds much better than mine.

Cry me a river

And so it rained and my story ends here. I write this of course from my virtual hospital bed. I saw a large puddle in an usual position half way up a hill ahead, I foolishly hit it at half throttle, my car span wildly across some 3 car wide tarmac. Luckily I ghosted out at this point so no other road user was hurt. My poor car bounced off the Armco and came to rest in some sand as endless red error messages flashed up in the on screen display.

My drive was over, every panel on the car was damaged. I called the dealer and they assured me it was cosmetic damage only. They’d be sending me a bottle of polish to say sorry because they were sure it would all T-Cut (Scratch X - for our US buddies) out.

4 Likes

That’s some funny stuff!
Just too bad it’s almost all true.

Ha ha ha! Loved it, Forza the real car simulator :slight_smile:

Epic!

Thanks for making me laugh :slight_smile:

I don’t know if I should cry or laugh :wink:

That was amazing.

I feel your (Thurstmaster) pain!!!

One tip: go into your virtual world and add STM.
Its ok, you don’t have to thank me

Haha =D nice !
I can also feel with you :wink: